he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
