I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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