I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
