My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
