dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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