I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Can I color on your dick again?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
