i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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