the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
