all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The power of my boobs compel you
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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