i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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