Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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