The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
