My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
