i will never coherently bang her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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