i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize