I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
