He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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