Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
