Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's the barista slut.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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