I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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