i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
