i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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