I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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