No stitches, just platelets and will power
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
