shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize