i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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