I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
