I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
