In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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