if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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