we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
