help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
