tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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