Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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