He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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