I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
