Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
