Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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