can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
