At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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