I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
