I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
