hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
