i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
