Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize