So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
