hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
