Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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