i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
