I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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