nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
