we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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