her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
