This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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