it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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