you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
