This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
