If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
