so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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