I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
