if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she looked like the before picture.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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