in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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