Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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