Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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