If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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