there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
