No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
