I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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