If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
