I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
