found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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