Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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