I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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