I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
