I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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