I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
