Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
