Quick, to the slutcave!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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