We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
