you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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