Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize