eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
