I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
