Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize