Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize