I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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