you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
