so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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