He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
