"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
