you mean i was at the winter classic?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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