Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
