I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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