dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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