Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
